This weeks post is written by Chris Enti author of 'What He Really Thinks' He's offered some nuggets of wisdom for women who want to know what it is that men really want from their partner. Below are 4 important points that can only make your relationships better and help you understand men that little bit better. Read and take note!
1. Friendship Under this banner comes support and respect. More specifically someone men feel at ease enough to share activities with and also be able to genuinely have FUN with. Not the kind of fun which means that you start bantering about football, but definitely a shared interest or sub category of one. The most obvious things would be doing things like bowling, sharing a special interest in cooking/enjoying food from a certain country, dancing, film and music.
Friendship also necessitates having your own life and your own interests because he definitely does and values having some time apart to be with his other friends. This reinforces and reminds him of his ability to feel strong and (positively) feel like a man.
Friendship also means support and the Christian message of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is very powerful here. It seems so obvious but no man wants to feel condescended, no man wants to feel like they aren't being appreciated or compared to another guy- your ex, your friend’s boyfriend etc. The same level of cherished, attentive and honest support and respect that a woman would afford her best friend is exactly what he's looking for in a partner. If you believe in him (not necessarily in all his dreams) but the fact he has the courage and work ethic to some day make that dream a reality - then that’s what he wants!
2. Blatant communication Men are not mind readers. Aloofness, women who never say exactly what they want, and don't talk openly to a man (not AT him) are like milkshakes. As stomaching too much of it at one time can make you sick and want something else. Active honest listening is very important and basically being sensitive to the difference in how men and women communicate.
For example it’s been scientifically proven that when they get home from work men speak significantly less words when compared to their female partners. The argument that has been forwarded here is that it isn't that men don't want to talk at times; they are programmed to not do so at certain times. Some men (and women) need these "me time" minutes to adjust their thinking in order to break away from the world of work. It seems so obvious but it’s so often forgotten that if we're talking about a proper relationship then both parties have to be mature people who are in a place where they can grow together.
A man whose still a boy and emotionally immature, plus a woman who is carrying negative baggage (often because of an emotionally immature man) equals bad maths! Getting to know each other fully before you become intimate will let you both know where each others minds at.
3. Sex Men want consistent, frequent and engaged woman in the bedroom. This doesn't mean a "freak in the sheets" all the time but someone who is comfortable to initiate and be very confident about what she likes and doesn't like. Happily married women figured out a long time ago that to build mutual happiness doesn’t mean "giving it to him when he wants it" - but letting him know that she wants it too but "mis en scene" I.e. romance, allure, and spontaneity (that doesn't include touching) is what really gets her going!
The emotional intimacy that makes men feel most connected through is sexual. More importantly the act of making love is how a man feels that you want and love him. I'm not sure that with holding sex will make him think that you don't love him, but it will definitely make him think you don't want him- and that's just as destructive to the relationship. It’s been argued that when women make love the act releases oxcytonin which makes them want to connect and emotionally commit. When men make love and release during love making, they are also releasing their ability to feel connected to a woman. If I'm honest the only time I genuinely felt close to my ex was when we were intimate.
Men also like the chase and although this isn't a game, chase is mutually beneficial, as it allows the woman time to get to know a guy properly. This is key to avoid the relationship being a fling or just "seeing each other"- which can only serve to increase the intensity of the passion for both parties when it happens.
4. Confidence is arguably the sexiest personality trait in a woman and guys like this to manifest it-self in all the arrears listed above, but also in how the woman carries herself and their appearance. Men generally have no problem with confidence (at least outwardly they don’t) and a woman who maximises what she has - irrespective of their weight, or body shape will never be short of male suitors. Confidence to let him be a man and take the lead when needed, as well as the self belief to understand that no one except you can "complete" you! Doing the absolute best you can with what you've got is what he's after even though he may not always do similar in your eyes.
The simple truth is when a woman regularly makes an attempt to look good, she feels good and men can identify this very quickly. They are drawn to the outward/inward positive aura that her efforts generate. The brain is the most powerful organ (including sexual) in the body. The confidence to be funny, opinionated and vocal in the bedroom are all very powerful indicators to a guy that a woman is into him and therefore he can trust and be honest about his feelings.